Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Tiny spoilers!

Go Michael! Go Michael, Go! Go Michael! Go Michael, Go! No, seriously go away. Why is Michael Bay still making movies? I’d have thought Transformers 3 was the end of him, but that’s apparently not the case. Luckily, Bay only produced this film and had nothing to do with the making of it. However, there are still flaws. This film is directed by Johnathan Liebesman. You know, the director of such classics as (I say these with HEAVY sarcasm): Wrath of the Titans, Battle Los Angeles, and the incredibly pointless sequel to the equally pointless Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake, but since this is a superhero-ish movie, there is something good for Johnny to work with.

Let’s cover the positive junk first. Uhhh. Well, the action was good. Seriously, the fights and combat are done rather well (though sometimes ridiculous). Since this is more computer generated, the fights don’t suffer from poor choreography. There is a thrilling car chase scene down a mountain and slow motion actually fits this sequence spectacularly. Besides the violence, there is one other creditable mention. Are you ready? I’m about to drop a bombshell. Megan Fox’s acting is actually decent in this movie! Those bolded words never go together! William Fichtner and Will Arnett are also here (I’ll get to them later).

Now for the egregious parts of this film. First, the characters. I understand that this is just one film (and we have at least eight main characters to develop), but not one of them is really developed beyond their usual labels. All except for April lack any significant character development. On that note, here are some clichés that exist here: the wise old parental figure, the evil corporate dude, the nerd, the wild one, the muscle, the leader, the comic relief/side character that is useless, and the big jerk who wants to take over the world. William Fichtner is the only good actor here, while Will Arnett is PAINFULLY unfunny! Ninety-nine percent of his jokes just die and made me want to take my Lego Batman minifigure and flush him down the toilet! If a character makes you want to do that, then we’re gonna have a problem! By now you’re saying, “Hey Guy, you didn’t freak out about the CGI or compare this to the original movies? Explain!” Whoa, hold it. Everyone else has gotten their knickers in a twist because of the CGI (which granted, looks subpar) and that Hollywood decided to (and I quote fanboys here) “Ruin my childhood with this remake!”. This movie as a whole isn’t the worst cartoon adaptation/remake of a franchise (wait for my next review for that), but I would only recommend watching it if a friend bought it.

This gets Guy’s Guru Grade of a C.


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