Of all the movies that deserve sequels (Unbreakable, Immortals, etc.) Paul Blart: Mall Cop doesn’t even deserve the 183+ million dollars it grossed in the box office. Next to horror, the comedy genre (besides being my third favorite genre) is the second easiest division of cinema to lazily make. The worst offender in this case would be Adam Sandler, who despite actually being funny, continues to shell out crap like Click, Grown-Ups 2, and Jack and Jill. However, he does manage to produce something legitimately comical (Hotel Transylvania, Happy Gilmore) every now and then. What I am talking about today falls into the ‘crap’ category.
This is directed by Andy Fickman, written by Kevin James and Nick Baykay, and stars: Kevin James, Rani Rodriguez, Eduardo Verástegui, Daniella Alonso, and Neal McDonough. I am just going to cut to the chase in saying this movie IS NOT FUNNY. The number one job a comedy is supposed to do is to have me constantly laughing, and because that did not happen, the movie failed its one job. You want proof? There were three families in the theater with me and I heard them laugh twice. 50% of the jokes are rip-offs from the first movie, poor slapstick takes up 20%, and the rest is just Kevin James hamming it up (to no avail). The only hilarious joke is in the last 15 minutes of the film, far too late to make the price of admission worthwhile.
The characters in this movie are just annoying cliches. Paul himself is even more stupid here than he was in the first film. Why? I don’t know. The reason his character motivation worked in the first movie is because he was just a hard-working man who wanted to be happy with himself. In this movie, it portrays him as a brainless unlucky duck who can’t catch a break. This would be funny if the jokes were funny (they are not). Instead, it just feels unnecessarily mean-spirited and depressing.
The story (besides just being Die Hard in a hotel) is choppy as heck. By that I mean there are three subplots that hardly interested me (two of them are romance related), and because the jokes were stale, it felt like the movie lasted a whole hour longer than its actual runtime of an hour and a half! About three scenes are completely pointless and none of the actor’s performances blew me away. The ONE good moment in this movie is a motivational speech Paul gives near the climax. I’m sorry, but that is still too late to change my opinion of your movie. This gets Guy’s Guru Grade of an F.