“The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies” Review

*Edit*  16-year-old me fanboyed over this movie.  I re-watched it two months ago, and it sucks (new grade=C-).  But, considering that this is a Hobbit film, here is my inaccurate review of it.

Finally!  The Hobbit movie I’ve been waiting for!  I’m sure I don’t have to remind everyone that the Lord of the Rings trilogy is one of the best trilogies of all time.  The Hobbit series unfortunately come nowhere near the high standard that had been set, and subsequently, The Hobbit movies were somewhat disappointing.  What with the horrid CGI, unnecessarily long running time, and goofy outlook that destroyed what ultimately made Lord of the Rings so unique.  However, as the series progressed, the films improved, and with Battle of the Five Armies, we got the original Peter Jackson back.  Prior to watching this, everybody told me that this film was “The best!”  Well, that’s not true, but the movie is still pretty dang good.

Alright, so we begin the movie with the highly advertised, Battle of Lake-town.  It lasts for about twenty minutes.  Well, that was quick.  I am a little disappointed that the focus of the first two movies ended so quickly.  However, it does provide enough payoff (The Jerk of Lake-town gets his in a rather comical fashion).  As the movie progresses, I must admit the pacing is done well and builds up to the climax and the character progressions: Filli, Tauriel, Gandalf, Bilbo, and especially Thorin create more tension and investment, although it does seem to drag out a bit too long around the final twenty minutes, and I’ll get to why later.

By now you’re probably wondering what I didn’t like about this film, well…..  dang it if that CGI isn’t just terrible!  Jeez, it looks as if Disney chose to animate the sewer systems of New York!  Now for what it’s worth, Smaug’s cool design helps, and the overall epic of the fight scenes distract you for a while.  Otherwise, just looking at the orcs and Azog hurt my eyes, but at least Peter Jackson still knows how to direct action though!  The actual battle of the five armies is done very well, but there is one major problem.  It goes on forever!  And not the ‘constant action and transitions to different battles’ forever, it’s the ‘ridiculous and/or dragged out scenarios that exist only to further the plot or make something  happen that could have been easily avoidable’ type of forever.  Seriously, my Implausible Meter exploded while watching this.  One other thing I must mention is the timing of deaths around the climax.  As I stated above, the pacing works perfectly here.  The writer’s space out the death of each character very well so you can get emotional each time, but without being overwhelmed.  This is excellent because a main problem I had with Snowpiercer was how it killed off so many protagonists in such a short amount of time, that I couldn’t process or get over the fact they’re dead.  A healthy amount of screen time must be given to each demise so the audience can feel something genuine.  It is safe to say that in this film, they give that amount.

This movie is by far the best of the three Hobbit films.  It is masterfully directed, filmed and it dropped the overall goofiness factor that had so many critics (myself included) disliking the first two movies.  Despite its final battle scenes taking way too long, the battle of Smaug being a bit too short, and the CGI that I’ll never get over, this is definitely something I would recommend to anyone who loves action or fantasy or adventure.  This gets Guy’s Guru Grade of a B++ (Yes I know that’s not actually a grade, but this movie rests in that specific area).

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